Battles

     It was back in August of 2019 I was diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure. It started with a trip in July to Lone Peak Hospital. Er Doctor though I was having Congestive Heart Failure but I just though maybe it was something to do with my post Arterial Fibrillation medication visit a week or so before that even.  Hear I sit having a little bit of shortness of breath that goes with this diagnosis.
     Since then it has been a little bit of a battle between how I physically feel and how I sometimes feel mentally. I can have good days and then sometimes for brief periods of time I will have shortness of breath or heart palpitations. They give me meds to help with water retention that can cause issues with the breathing and they give me a blood thinner since my heart does not pump as it should and they want to keep the blood flowing so it doesn't clot and cause me to have a stroke or heart attack.  I should also be better about salt intake as well as eating more veggies.
     I had asked the Doctor how long I had as far as life expectancy and he gave a rough estimate of 5 to 8 years.  Long but not really long in the grand scheme of things. I have a problem with obsessing over the diagnosis.  It seems to be on my mind at least a few times a day.  Sometimes it is because I take a blood thinner and the pain the rest of my body goes through is not helped by acetaminophen and so I get depressed. A couple of times I stopped my blood thinner so I could take my Naproxen to relieve the pain in my knee and  leg.
     Another challenge I have is the thoughts That relate to my shortened life span. What will happen when I can no longer work? Will I have to just let nature takes is course because I can't afford the medical care?  What happens when I can't get up and down the stairs here at home? Where am I going to be buried and how much for all the expense of burial and funeral? These are just a few things that way me down.
     There are a few things that help keep me going some days. The first thing is to just smile and wave at the kids. They seem to love it and sometimes I even get a wave back or both a wave back and a smile. The second thing is saying hello to certain people that come to Walmart where I work. Their names are Sultan (I forget his last name), Feliciano and his wife (need to learn hers), William.(he is from Columbia). There are others but these three are like family to me. It lifts my spirit to see them. That is all for tonight. Going to see if wearing the CPAP will help my shortness of breath tonight.